Who's Got Two Thumbs and Likes BJs?

Okay, right, so this one time there was a lion. Called, BJ. (BJ standing for Billie Jean, obv.) The lion was like, "woah, guys, I'm live in the Sahara desert but there isn't any water there."

So President Obama was like, "my specialty is unicorns but I guess I can help out a fellow badass."

Barackandroll sent Airforce 1 to go get BJ and they brought him to Switzerland. BJ did a lot of sightseeing, getting his picture taken next to that giant statue of Freddie Mercury but then he said to Mr. Obama, "This is nice and all but I'm still really thirsty." And Obama said, "You ungrateful little feline, I will kill you."

So not only was BJ slowly dehydrating, but he was now on the run from the US government as well. ROUGH.

He ran all ze way to the ocean side and there he was like, "OMG SO MUCH WATERZZZ" and he began to drink and didn't stop until he passed out.

While he was passed out, a lonely zookeeper passed by and put him in his truck, thinking what a lovely new addition he would make to his collection at the local zoo.

BJ woke up in a cage, angry and mad from the seawater. He spent his days hanging at the bars and making the zoo-goers feel uncomfortable. He did this for weeks until one Frenchwoman was totes unphased by his staring, BJ immediately fell into passionate, interspecies love. The Frenchwoman, being super rich, bought BJ from the zoo and took him home, jibbering in French the whole way. BJ only spoke Swahili but whatever she said sounded beautiful to him.

The next day, she put him back into the car and brought him to a sterile white building that said "TAXIDERMY" on it and BJ was like, "yo, I don't know what that means. I wonder if this is a place to get married at."

The shriveled old man who worked there grinned upon seeing the beautiful Frenchwoman walk in. "Que pouvons-nous faire pour vous?" He asked.

"J'ai besoin d'un nouveau tapis." She responded, smiling sweetly down at BJ. He looked blissfully at her as the shriveled man led him into a backroom. She waved.

THE END.

JUST KIDDING..... EPILOGUE.

The lovely Frenchwoman was preparing her dinnertable for two when the doorbell rang. She answered it to the sexy visage of President Barack Obama. "Hello, Mistaaah Prezedant," She said in her thick accent.

"Sup" He responded.

He followed her to the kitchen through the den, where on the floor lay a new lion's-coat rug, head intact with teeth bared. Obamarama stopped and considered. "Hey, babe, is this new?"

"Oui!" She called from the next room. "Pourquoi?"

Obamaramadingdong nudged it with his shiny black boot. "No b. Just thought it looked kinda familiar." He shrugged, then walked to the kitchen.

"No matter..... I'M HUNGRAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!"

THE ACTUAL END.

A fantabuloso story by Kaitlin Elizabeth "Cupcake" III